Doing Marriage Well

You're Miscalculating What Your Marriage Could Be Worth

In this episode we explore how couples miscalculate their marriage's benefit-cost ratio, leading them to invest too little time and effort. When you only count personal gains or overlook how your spouse benefits, you underestimate the true value of simple acts of love.
Learn a practical shift — add a generous "my-spouse-wants-it" factor — and how thinking of others' interests (Philippians 2:3–4) helps create warmer, more satisfying marriages.

The Belief Barrier: Hope Is the Door to a Great Marriage

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (January 7, 2025), Paul explores “The Belief Barrier” — how hope and belief that a great marriage is possible shape how couples act and grow together. He describes common signs of strong marriages (friendship, support, forgiveness) and argues that these flow naturally from believing a better marriage is attainable.Paul encourages listeners to ask God for the belief that a great marriage is possible, to pray for their spouse, and to make that shared belief a goal so their marriage can change and flourish.

Trying to Do It All Is Hurting Your Marriage

In this episode Paul explains how trying to do everything is damaging your marriage. Using the Whack-A-Mole analogy, he shows that focusing on a few priorities lets you do them well, while spreading yourself too thin leads to neglect and conflict.Paul encourages listeners to evaluate obligations, let go of activities that steal time without adding value, and actively protect the marriage—especially during busy seasons like raising school-age children. He offers practical questions to help decide what to cut so your relationship can thrive.

You Have the Marriage You're Willing to Work For

In this episode Paul challenges the common excuse that a good marriage depends only on your spouse, urging listeners to examine how their own actions contribute to marital problems. He encourages self-honesty, asking the Lord to reveal personal "logs," and suggests spending the week looking inward rather than blaming your partner.The episode closes with a brief donation update, thanking supporters after a strong year-end giving that brought the total to $10,368.

The Truth About Improving Your Sex Life (It's Not What You Think)

This episode explores how your overall relationship with your spouse forms the foundation of your sex life and why you can’t build great intimacy on a bad marriage. It explains that couples often need to address relationship issues first and may use short-term, agreed-upon stopgap measures while they work on deeper problems.The host discusses practical approaches like saying yes, initiating, and trying new things with an open mind—plus the important caveat that any past abuse must be addressed and consent is essential. Sexual changes are usually slow at first but can gain momentum over time.

Accountability in Marriage: Help Without Shifting Responsibility

This episode explains how to ask your spouse for help making changes without shifting responsibility. It distinguishes changes that require both partners from those you must carry yourself, offers language for starting the conversation, suggests identifying shared goals and small steps, and recommends how to handle setbacks with grace. It also covers when not to seek spousal accountability and how to use gentle nudges responsibly to support lasting change.
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The Secret to Measuring Progress When Change Feels Slow

In this episode Paul explains how to set a series of smaller goals to make lasting change in your marriage, how to anticipate costs and obstacles, and why giving yourself time and grace matters.He teaches a practical way to measure progress: compare your new highs and recent lows to past ones rather than judging moment by moment. This perspective helps you see real improvement even when change feels slow.Paul closes by encouraging listeners to look at the big picture and continue adjusting goals so 2026 can be a stronger year for your marriage.

Why Your Spouse (or Friends) Might Fight Your Positive Changes

This episode explains why making positive changes for your marriage is hard—especially during life’s storms—and why it’s sometimes wiser to pause rather than push and burn out.It also covers how friends or your spouse may resist change, common reasons for their pushback, and practical guidance: hold the ground you’ve gained, pray, focus on being right with God, and resume real change when life is calmer.

The Hidden Reason Marriage Resolutions Fail

Paul explains why marriage resolutions often fail: part of you may secretly resist change because the habit provides hidden rewards, or you’re changing for someone else rather than yourself. Change is slow, emotional, and rarely a straight line.
He recommends working quietly on changes you truly want, avoiding public announcements, and getting professional help when resistance is rooted in trauma, addiction, or mental health. The episode closes with a brief year-end giving update and a reminder about the tax-deductible donation deadline.
If you would like to help us reach our goal, you can do so here. Or you can send something by mail.

What Worked, What Didn't: A Christmas Debriefing

Do a quick, loving but honest post‑mortem of your Christmas while memories are fresh: grade time use, spending, family stress, kids’ experience, mental health, and how the marriage held up. Take notes, sleep on it, then come back together and create a clear plan for next year with things to stop and things to try.Practice self‑care and marriage care in the next few days so you can recover and make meaningful changes. This is Paul: dissecting the past helps us do life well.