Doing Marriage Well

Grace and Good Will: Pillars for a Thriving Marriage

In this episode (January 22, 2026), Paul encourages couples to assume their spouse is well-intentioned and to offer unearned grace—acceptance and forgiveness—as a daily practice. He explains that believing the best is an act of faith and trust that can change how spouses treat each other.Paul also urges listeners to consider circumstances (for example, a tired nurse after a double shift) before reacting, while warning against tolerating abuse or becoming a doormat. Choosing to see the good in your spouse is presented as a powerful way to do marriage well.

They're Not You: Understanding Your Spouse's Unique Wiring

This episode explores how couples often assume their spouse thinks, feels, and reacts as they do, leading to misunderstandings and pain. Using real examples, Paul shows how differing emotional wiring affects conflict and connection.
He encourages couples to ask questions, explain their patterns, offer grace, and sometimes change behaviours when differences cause harm—reminding listeners that partners aren’t right or wrong, just different.

When Your Past Makes You Overreact to Your Spouse

Paul discusses how past relationships and family patterns colour how we see and react to our spouse—using his experiences with his mother and a high school girlfriend as examples.
He explains how unmet childhood needs can make us overly hungry for intimacy and affirmation, and how old wounds make small spouse behaviours feel much bigger than they are.
Practical steps: notice when your reaction is disproportionate, identify the original wound, and mentally separate your spouse from the person who hurt you so your marriage can be healed and simpler.

When You Believe the Mask Instead of the Truth

In this episode Paul explores how we often mistake a partner's brave face for the whole person, and how that misperception can damage a marriage. Using his experience with Lori, he explains how past trauma, safety, and unspoken pain affect intimacy and behaviour.
Paul emphasises the need to seek the truth beneath the mask, extend empathy, give space and time for healing, and get wise counsel so we can see our spouse accurately and strengthen the marriage.

What Happens When Your Spouse's Best Isn't Enough?

Paul shares a candid account of wrestling with the pain of believing his wife was doing her best yet it still wasn’t enough. He describes the shame, fear, and urgency that threatened their marriage, and how honesty, support, and years of slow healing helped them rebuild.This episode offers a realistic look at the hard work of recovery, the need to own your own struggles, and the hope that steady progress—however slow—can lead to growth and renewed trust.

When Your Parents Really Did Their Best—And It Wasn't Enough

This episode explores how parents who truly tried their best can nonetheless leave emotional gaps in their children’s lives—attachment issues, early independence, and struggles in adult relationships.Using examples like single or low-income parents working long hours, parents with chronic illness or depression, siblings with major health needs, undiagnosed special or gifted children, and single-parent households, we look at how those circumstances can shape attachment and independence.The episode also offers a gentle call to acknowledge those injuries as real, to seek healing, and to encourage parents to seek support and listen to their children’s needs as they grow.

Your Parents Could Have Done Better—And So Can You

This episode challenges the belief that "my parents did the best they could" and shows how that idea can become an excuse that blocks growth in marriage and parenting.Paul urges listeners to admit the truth, seek help, and ask for support so they can change, grow, and do better for their spouse and children.

One Villain, One Hero? The Lie That Keeps You Stuck

Paul challenges the idea of labelling one parent the villain and the other the hero, explaining how that false comfort keeps you stuck and prevents real healing.
He encourages adults to face uncomfortable truths about their childhood, share those discoveries with their spouse, and pursue honest growth because the truth sets us free.

Is Giving Your Parents a Pass Hurting Your Marriage?

Paul examines how excusing parents with phrases like "they did the best they could" can block healing after abuse or neglect and quietly damage your marriage.The episode explains why honest acknowledgment of past harm matters, how childhood wounds show up in trust and emotional availability, and how true forgiveness differs from denial.

The Lies About Sex—And the Truth That Can Set You Free

On this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Jan 9, 2026), Paul and Lori challenge the myths about sex perpetuated by porn and media and explore how unrealistic expectations leave many spouses feeling broken and frustrated.
They share stories of couples who moved from shame and avoidance to regular, mutually enjoyed sex, and discuss common obstacles like time, prioritisation, and secret masturbation. Drawing on 1 Corinthians 7, they emphasise that sex is an important, godly part of marriage that should be made a priority.
The study mentioned: https://bit.ly/49K6g93