Doing Marriage Well

Doing Sex Well: Your Spouse Is Different, Not "Broken"

This episode explains important differences between male and female sexuality and how they affect married sex. It contrasts spontaneous desire (more common in men) with responsive desire (more common in women), using the hunger vs. smelling bread analogy, and notes that many women in long-term relationships don’t experience spontaneous desire.The episode also discusses differences in how quickly partners reach orgasm and why denying these realities leads to confusion and frustration. Practical understanding and acceptance of these differences are presented as essential to improving intimacy.

Hard-Wired for Different Realities: From Provision to Aggression

Doing Marriage Well — February 26, 2026: This episode explores biological and social differences between men and women and how those differences shape work, caregiving, aggression, decision-making, and risk.
Topics include why men often link identity to providing, why women more often judge themselves by caregiving, different patterns of aggression and communication in couples, and how extremes in behaviour can create conflict or strength. Understanding these tendencies can help couples make better choices together.

Lost in Translation: When "Fine" Doesn't Mean Fine

Paul examines how common words and phrases—like "fine", "bury the hatchet", and "with all due respect"—are often interpreted differently by men and women, leading to confusion even after decades together.
He highlights gendered communication patterns (hedging, indirect requests, listening cues) and offers practical insight for recognising and bridging these gaps to improve understanding in marriage.

Doing Marriage Well by Understanding Your Spouse’s Physical Reality

In this episode Paul explores how everyday physical differences—height, strength, temperature sensitivity, colour perception, smell, vision, and hearing—shape expectations and interactions in marriage. He explains how perspective matters and how small unrecognised differences can cause frustration.
Paul offers simple, practical steps couples can take: be aware of reach and sightlines, provide tools or help when needed, adjust temperature and lighting considerately, respect differences in smell and colour sensitivity, and make reasonable accommodations to reduce noise. Doing marriage well looks different for every couple.

Your Spouse Isn't a "Defective" Version of You

Paul explains why we often expect our spouse to be just like us and how that expectation creates conflict. Using a cat-and-dog analogy, he explores how personality, gender, and family background shape different realities within a marriage.
He urges listeners to recognise that most differences are just that—different, not wrong—and suggests reflecting on how your partner differs from you as the first step toward better understanding and a healthier relationship.

Package Deals and Straitjackets: Doing Sex Well Together

Paul applies this week’s ideas to the bedroom, explaining how past sexual injuries and misunderstandings leave spouses ‘sexually crippled’ and limit intimacy.He contrasts small issues (“splinters”) with bigger relationship problems (“chunks”), urges honest conversations about trauma and desire, and warns against expecting a partner to be a different person in different roles (“package deals”).Practical guidance: tell each other your stories, ask and believe, stop comparing, and work together to create a satisfying sex life.

The Comparison Trap: Spouses Are a Package Deal

This episode explains how comparing your spouse to others harms marriage, using a true-story-based example of George and Jane to show that every spouse is a package deal — strengths come bundled with flaws.
It highlights how curated glimpses of other couples mislead us and why desirable traits can be linked to unwanted behaviours and encourages embracing your spouse’s whole person to do marriage well.

Splinters & Chunks: Prioritising the Change Your Spouse Needs

In this episode Paul explores how to be honest about your own broken places in marriage, avoiding the two extremes of being too hard or too easy on yourself. He explains how understanding reasons helps, but prioritising the big issues your spouse actually cares about and following through with consistent action is what truly heals.
Focus on the "chunks" before the "splinters", let actions—not promises—show real change, and keep it up so your spouse can trust the improvement is lasting.

The Broken Leg Principle: Your Spouse’s Limitations

Paul explains why we should recognise and accept our spouse's limitations instead of punishing them for things they cannot change. He compares emotional wounds to a "broken leg", urging compassion, patience, and honesty about where healing is needed.
The episode shows how to notice real progress—by tracking higher highs and less severe lows—and encourages praising growth, acknowledging effort, and tailoring expectations to each couple's unique journey.

The Art of Noticing: Finding the Good in Your Spouse

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (Feb 16, 2026), Paul encourages spouses to intentionally look for the good in each other—those small, everyday acts that bless and support your life. He offers concrete examples of helpful behaviours and invites listeners to view their partner with fresh eyes.
When you notice and name these blessings—thank your spouse, praise them to others, and thank God—you protect your marriage from taking kindness for granted and invite more loving actions into your relationship.