Doing Marriage Well

Are You Being Honest About Why You Want Sex?

This episode explores the real reasons people seek sex in marriage, including motives we admit and those we hide. It encourages honest self-reflection about multiple possible motivations and recognises that some reasons feel uncomfortable but are not necessarily wrong.
The host offers practical suggestions: identify your motivations, discuss them with your spouse before or after sex, avoid using sex manipulatively, and work toward mutual understanding, so intimacy can meet both partners' needs.

Mastering Marriage: Be a Spouse with Purpose

This episode explores how the inner drive to master a skill can be applied to marriage, encouraging listeners to pursue excellence as a spouse with intention and self-control.It covers practical ideas like studying your partner, focusing on respect, kindness, trust and communication, and warns against letting mastery become an escape rather than an improvement.

How Purpose Shapes Your Life and Your Marriage

This episode explores how purpose — the desire to contribute to something larger than ourselves — shapes personal well-being and marriage. It highlights common seasons when purpose can disappear (retirement, children entering school, illness) and the emotional risks that follow.The host frames purpose as biblical and practical, recommending volunteering and mutual spousal support to find new meaning, while warning against using purpose as an escape from marital problems.

Navigating Self-Determination As A Couple

In this episode, Paul explores autonomy—the human need to make our own choices—and how it affects married life.
He explains how denied self-determination can cause withdrawal or resentment and urges couples to express desires, listen carefully, and learn to compromise, so both partners stay emotionally healthy.

Are Holiday Obligations Hurting Your Marriage?

Paul explores how holiday obligations can strain a marriage and urges listeners to examine their motivations—whether they enjoy activities, feel obligated, are people‑pleasing, or acting out of duty. He warns against emotional blackmail and codependency and recommends honest conversations with your spouse about motivations and boundaries.The episode also covers navigating family dynamics, friendships, and workplace expectations, advising honesty about why you attend events and agreeing to address unhealthy patterns. Doing marriage well during the holidays often takes extra work, clear communication, and mutual understanding.

Building Closeness with Non-Sexual Touch

Paul explains how non-sexual touch—morning snuggles, going to bed together, and simple nightly routines—builds intimacy and strengthens marriage. He offers practical tips to preserve sleep without sacrificing connection, from separate covers and motion-isolating mattresses to white noise and earplugs.
Whether you can share a bed or need alternative arrangements, being intentional about regular, non-sexual touch helps couples feel closer and makes marriage easier to maintain.
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Military and First Responder Marriages

This episode examines the unique strains on military and first responder marriages: long hours and separations, constant awareness of danger, and the difficulty of reintegrating after time apart. It highlights the specific skills these relationships need—flexibility, independence, emotional resilience—and why experienced, service-informed support is crucial.Listeners will learn practical ways friends and communities can help: offer emotional support, include the often-alone spouse, assist with childcare, and ask “How can I help you?” rather than only saying “Thanks for your service.”

3 Objections to Spending Lots of Time Together

Paul addresses three common objections to couples spending significant time together: the need for introverts to recharge, couples who thrive on independence, and the concern that too much time together might hinder personal growth.
Drawing on his own marriage and a faith-based view of being “one flesh,” he explains how couples can honour individual needs while prioritizing quality time, mutual support, and growth together.

Codependent vs Healthy Interdependence

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well, Paul distinguishes codependence from healthy interdependence. He explains that codependence means needing another person to function, while healthy interdependence means choosing to be together while maintaining individuality and autonomy.Paul shares personal examples of functioning independently while appreciating his wife Lori, and warns against misusing the term "codependence." He encourages those in unhealthy caretaker dynamics to seek professional help and emphasizes that a strong marriage makes each partner a better individual.

Until Women's Retreat Do We Part

In this episode, Paul reflects on his wife Lori's weekend at a women's retreat and what their rare overnight separations reveal about marriage. He addresses critics who call their close partnership unhealthy, explains that their togetherness is a mutual choice after 20 years of working from home, and contrasts that with studies showing many couples have only minutes of meaningful daily interaction.
Paul invites listeners to consider how much quality engagement they have with their spouse and whether it’s enough, encouraging reflection on closeness, space, and what “doing marriage well” looks like for different couples.